Face Your Pain, Or It Will Be Buried And Stunt Your Growth

“If you don’t know how to control your emotional reactions and there’s a refractory period, and you let that emotional reaction linger for hours or days, it turns into a mood.

So you say to someone, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ The person says, ‘I’m in a mood.’ Then you say, ‘Why are you in a mood?’ They say, ‘Well, this thing happened to me five days ago and I’m having one long emotional reaction.’

If you keep that refractory period going for weeks and months, you’ve developed a temperament. If you keep that same refractory period going on for years, it’s called a personality trait.” — Dr. Joe Dispenza

Learning and growing are emotional and often painful experiences. Sometimes, things happen in life that you didn’t plan for nor were you responsible for — traumatic experiences.

Whether caused by you or someone else, when you go through a painful experience, that experience can only become one of two things to you. It’s either going to become a long-term problem, or it’s going to become a core strength.

When you experience a powerfully emotional experience, you experience what is known as a “refractory period” — which is your physiological response to an experience. That period should ideally be short, but often people don’t cope well with experiences. Sometimes. the refractory period of a certain experience can last years.

For example, you have a really intense experience and that experience changes you. Until you directly face and walk-through that issue, it will always be a part of you. In fact, you will remain the same person emotionally until you learn that lesson.

I know people who had rough experiences as teenagers who are still subconsciously playing out the same emotional experiences from that episode. They haven’t learned or changed since that event.

This is a painful and ineffective way to live. This is not to diminish the pain and suffering that people have gone through, or the negative ripple effects that have since been created. It’s simply speaking to the truth of the matter — the only way out is through. You can’t avoid it. You must face your deepest fears or you’ll always be a slave to them.

Josh Waitzkin described an experience where he almost died. He was doing underwater breathing techniques and accidentally passed-out. Rather than allowing a long refractory period to occur, he said that he was back in the water 2 days later.

He didn’t want that traumatic experience to become a lifelong weakness. He didn’t want to train his body to live in the trauma. He walked straight into the trauma and pain and fear and quickly re-established his relationship and control over the situation. Therefore, that experience became an incredible blessing and learning and experience.



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